i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
