smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
