I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
