I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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