She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
