Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
