I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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