Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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