How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
