We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
