she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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