yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
