May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
