If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
