the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
