Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
