i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
