I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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