cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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