i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
