Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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