Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
