the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
