Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
