It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
