Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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