We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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