i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
