I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
