If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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