I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
as a side note pls kill me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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