i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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