Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
