I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
