the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
