Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
