Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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