I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
