final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
