it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
