Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
