he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
