tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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