I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
