So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Damn victory sex feels great
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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