I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
