I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
