So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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