next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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