im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
