i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
