i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
