It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
