i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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