You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
