and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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